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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Review

March 27, 2016
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Eh, not my favorite movie but it’s enjoyable enough. It’s one of those movies that maybe isn’t that great for the most part, but watchable because you’re watching it for the first time, and then wham! The last part of the movie saves the entire thing and you go away feeling it was a good movie on the whole. Probably a good movie to get on Blu Ray, if only so you can just skip to the last hour of the movie onwards. Kinda like how you would skip to the last 40 minutes of Avengers.

Review in more detail after the jump. Probably spoilery.

So, the first hour and a half of BvS is as Landon put it, a fevered dream. It just jumps from scene to scene and nothing really makes sense. I mean, it’s better than a Michael Bay movie in that a Bay movie will outright contradict itself. With BvS, it’s like… you know sometimes you have a running dream? Like, you’re dreaming the same “storyline” in your dream? So you have all these snippets of scenes that sort of run together? Yeah, first 3/5 of the movie is like that. Hell, a whole bunch of the movie is Batman having hallucinations and seeing messages that I initially thought he was writing to himself? Or something.

Speaking of Batman, this movie is all about him. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s a Superman movie, but we already know Superman’s story from Man of Steel, so much of this movie is getting us used to this version of Batman. Good thing too because this is an edgy and dumb version of Batman who is the complete antithesis of Batman as he’s known by the modern audience. Look, I know Batman in the 40s or whatever killed. And up to the 80s and 90s, it really wasn’t rare for heroes to just off bad guys. But that’s 20 to 70 years ago. I’m not saying Batman is gratuitously killing guys like Deadpool; all I’m saying is, this version of Batman doesn’t conform to the same code of honor that contemporary Batman usually has. But that’s not a bad thing because it means this IS, Dark Knight Returns Batman.

Superman’s barely in this. The first scene where Superman shows up properly, ends with him smirking knowingly while PLASTERING a guy into PASTE. I think he only appears like, 2 or 3 more times where he’s just sort of looking off into the middle distance while people either hate on him or treat him like Jesus, and then another 3 or 4 times as Clark.

But then we get to around the one and a half hour mark. And all is forgiven.

We get the Batman vs Superman fight. Sure, they both act dumb. But that’s necessary because we want a goddamn superhero fight and we wouldn’t get it if they both spent 3 seconds to speak 5 or 6 words which would totally diffuse the situation peacefully.

Then we get Doomsday and I have to say, they really did Doomsday right. Although I wish his crystals/bones were bigger. There’s a dumb scene where a helicopter attacks Doomsday without provocation but other than that, it’s all good. Superman does the one thing we all say he should when confronting an enemy with Doomsday, and he does it right away. That pleases me.

Batman is ESPECIALLY dumb here because he believes there might be a weapon that can hurt Doomsday in the city, but rather than going to grab that weapon and then find Doomsday, who should be easy to find because he’s fucking Doomsday, Batman instead opts to lure Doomsday to the city and then don’t even bother looking for the weapon.

Wonder Woman is decent. I assume the fanboys bitching that she’s miscast are just pointlessly complaining as usual. Doomsday barely bothers attacking her, which I wish he didn’t. I wish he at least more noticeably punch her once or twice, just to show she’s tanky. But really, grand scheme of things, that’s not important and I guess it makes sense he would focus on attacking Superman more. Eventhough it made Superman a little bit weak looking as a result of constantly being slapped around.

And then Lois Lane Darwin Awards herself.

And then we get THE ENDING. And it was glorious and I loved it. It was predictable. It was dumb because they shoulda just handed the weapon over to Wonder Woman but goddammit they did it right when it happened. And it was great that it was a team attack but goddamn muthafudger! Yes, dat ending.

And I hoped they would stick with it and they did. Although the last 1 second of the movie sort of ruins it, but not really.

So yeah, first hour and a half of BvS felt like 3 hours while the last hour felt like 20 minutes.

Get the Blu Ray and rewatch the last hour over and over. Well, maybe not the entire last hour because the epilogue’s skippable. But Batman vs Superman onwards until the defeat of Doomsday is golden if you’re a superhero fanboy. I love Doomsday because he just justifies the first movie too. Now that Zod’s Doomsday, the destruction of the city made sense.

Edit: Whoops, forgot to mention, best thing about the Doomsday fight? The RPG/Final Fantasy-esuqe fight music.

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