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Spider-Verse = Clone Saga

January 7, 2015

fuckyou

Hey, remember when Clone Saga was the worst thing ever? Then we had One More Day, which really wasn’t such a big deal outside of being arbitrarily retconny. Also, I personally liked Superior. But this? This?

Fuck you. Fuck you in the polio inoculation scar.

You killed Peter Parker from Spider-Girl because… I dunno, because out of all the alternate reality Spideys, Spider-Girl’s the only one who people sorta care about, so yeah, she’s the only one people would give a fuck about if you arbitrarily and predictably Uncle Benned her, so she could be all revenge laden. By itself, this would have been fine because of how completely predictable it was to fuck her.

But taking down Leopardon like this? If Leopardon gave at least a token bit of resistance, sure. I’d buy it. But this?

I realize that Spider-Verse is all about butchering Spideys. I realize that it’s not supposed to be a comic that gives respect or tribute to alternate Spideys. It’s about “feeding” various actual Spideys to the Gary/Mary Stu totem vampires, with the side effect of occasionally having sorta entertaining stories as random Spideys BRIEFLY team up.

I get that. But the gimmick can’t be too blase to the treatment of the Spideys to the point where it becomes pointless to get the fucking comic. Yes, you can have your lame villains win all the fucking time except those times they lose because they were literally being retarded. BUT, you gotta give the Spideys their “Hope Shot” as well. They need to show SOME resistance before being torn apart or running with their tails between their legs. Because otherwise, you’ve just killed all the curiosity and therefore interest to buy your fucking comic.

I’m okay with Leopardon being taken out. I’m just not okay with a) how bitched Leopardon was and b) how fucking tiny Leopardon is.

Fuck you, whoever the hell wrote this trite. Not because you don’t respect the sanctity of whatever obscure version of Spidey. That’s fine. I never expected that to begin with. But fuck you for not understanding the ebb and flow of a match. Go watch Apollo Creed vs Ivan Drago, or a wrestling match from before, I dunno, 2001. Even when the bad guy wins decisively, there’s a story to be told. Even “squash” matches have a story to tell. What offends me most with Spider-Verse is the lack of storytelling, the lack of respect for the source material is secondary.

So yeah, Spider-Verse is now the equivalent-of or even WORSE than the Clone Saga. There’s bad ideas, but this is just bad storytelling, which is way way worse a crime.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. January 8, 2015 11:44 AM

    I think I read about a dozen or so issues of Superior Spider-Man before dropping it. Just wasn’t enough to keep me coming back. Thought about going back once Peter returned, but couldn’t muster enough interest to actually do it. So, judging by the post, I made the right decision?

    If Leopardon (what the hell kind of name is that for a spider-themed character?) is supposed to be about the size of Transformers or classic mechas like Voltron, then the scale does seem off. Maybe that guy’s just abnormally large? I wouldn’t know.

    And not utilizing death to its dramatic potential is stupid. It seems like they build up these minor characters just so they can kill them off during some stupid event–you know, so that it’s clear to us that shit’s hit the fan and we feel like there’s actual change and progression happening after decades of the same song and dance.

    • January 8, 2015 7:25 PM

      I personally liked Superior. I recognized that it wasn’t Peter, but the thing is, Peter hasn’t “sounded” like Peter for quite some time. So another guy in the Spider-suit who doesn’t behave like Peter was about on par as Peter not behaving as Peter.

      As for Leopardon, he’s obscure, but holds a bit of history. He’s actually the first post-story mecha. The first “Megazord” who comes out at the end of the episode for a mech/monster fight. Size-wise, we’re talking around Jaeger/Megazord sized. This Leopardon’s just puny.

      But anyways, it’s not about Leopardon being beaten, it’s about the lack of actual story telling. This is metaphorically, just the writer being masturbatory.

      • January 10, 2015 5:26 AM

        I didn’t have any problem with Octavius mindjacking Peter. That change was actually what brought me to read Superior after dropping Amazing Spider-Man in the middle of Ends of the Earth. But I was bored by Amazing and Superior as well. I just didn’t care about anything that was going on in those books. Amazing was decent up until I got so bored by Ends of the Earth that I dropped it. Superior wasn’t bad, just didn’t feel the urge to keep reading it every month. I thought that the relaunch of Amazing with Peter back as Peter would result in a different creative team, but I learned that Dan Slott was still writing it, so I decided not to check it out.

        • January 10, 2015 6:35 AM

          Any chance you’ve read Superior Foes of Spider-Man? It’s set around the time of Superior.

          • January 10, 2015 11:20 AM

            I’ve been meaning to get back to that. Good stuff. I think it took a hiatus a while back and next thing I knew it was over.

  2. Landon permalink*
    January 8, 2015 11:50 AM

    hahaha a transformer got killed

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