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Polar Bear Cafe Fighting Zoo Turbo

January 13, 2013

pbvsgrI think it’s awesome and everything that we got a Polar Bear Cafe fighting game. I love the anime. I love fighting games. With the mixture of character types you’d think this would be an awesome combination, but the damn thing’s totally broken. They skewed way too close to anime accuracy if you ask me.

Polar Bear and Grizzly are the Ryu and Ken of the game. They play fairly similarly, having variations of the classic Shotokan moves: projectile, anti-air attack, and a move that carries them across the screen. They’re both fairly balanced in terms of speed, strength, durability, and all that, with the only real difference between them being their visuals. Grizzly has all sorts of flashy speed lines and such accompanying his moves to mimic his overbearing, boisterous personality, while Polar Bear’s moves have a cooking flair to them. So if you’re playing a Grizzly vs Polar Bear match, you have a pretty balanced thing going. It’s gonna come down to who’s the better player.

Then you get to Penguin. He has all sorts of dashing moves where he slides on his belly and stuff like that. He’s pretty small, so he’s hard to hit. The problem is that he has no air game. He can barely jump, so the only way to avoid projectiles is to time one of his belly slides just right. He’s pretty easy to ping away with a cheap projectile attack game. And then there’s the problem with his super attack. Most of the time it goes off without a hitch, but about 10% of the time the Penko Swarm that he summons attacks him instead of the opponent.

I really wanted to like Sloth. He’s the slow, Zangief type, where if you can get in close and nail them, you’ll take off half the guy’s energy. Problem is, when you hit an attack button, there’s a considerable delay between when you hit the button and when he actually attacks. They worked in his slowness a little too well. I was hoping they’d combo him with his one true partner Sasako. It would have been awesome to see her carry him around while he did the actual attacking, but they opted to go a different route.

And yeah, Sasako. She’s way too overpowered. They finally admitted that she’s a robot and gave her lasers and rocket launchers and all that shit. Even her fierce punch is a projectile. Someone on the development staff is clearly a Sasako fanboy.

Then there’s Panda. You pick him on the character select screen, but as soon as the fight starts he wanders off due to boredom and Full Time Panda takes his place. Panda just sits there in the background like one of those mascot characters. He hurls out a long, passive aggressive tirade if the opponent is Penguin and actually sticks around as the combatant. He plays the same as Full Time Panda, but I’m glad they replicate his little rivalry with Penguin in that way. And they get a lot of use out of the Panda sprite, since they use it for Panda Mama as well. She’s all Dhalsimed up in the game with her vacuum cleaner attacks.

Llama’s in the game, but you have to move the cursor above Panda to unlock him. He’s hidden away right next to Panda, just like in the Zoo. Kinda weird how the game has two “stretchy” characters, since his tongue kinda works a lot like Panda Mama’s vacuum, but it works. They play pretty differently, kinda like how Dhalsim and Necro aren’t really similar.

The character I was surprised to see in the main roster was Red Squirrel. She’s the Chun Li of the game, bouncing around everywhere, throwing coffee beans like they’re Marvel vs Capcom-like lasers, and being all small and hard to hit. She’d be just as OP as Sasako if it wasn’t for the fact that she can’t take a hit.

Oh yeah, and the final boss? It’s Polar Bear in pun form. He rattles off a bunch of puns, causing him to change costumes in mid-fight. Sometimes he changes into a costume mimicking another character, and sometimes he gains an entirely new moveset unlike any other character. He’s a total SNK boss in terms of cheapness too.

Also: No Penguingers. I bet they’re saving them for Turbo Alpha Plus.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 13, 2013 1:14 AM

    Youi’re a heretical sucky player. Sloth rocks. It’s all about timing and anticipation. He’s not a button basher type.

    Also, you forgot to mention… or perhaps you didn’t unlock him? But there’s “A Kuma” character who is totally the brown bear. Surprisingly, he plays more like Cyclone Beta from SFEX rather than a powered up Shotokaner.

    • Landon permalink
      January 13, 2013 1:16 AM

      Nope, haven’t unlocked him. I just found out about Llama and STILL haven’t beaten Pun Polar Bear.

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