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12 Best Polar Bear Cafe Characters

January 1, 2013

polarbearcafeLet’s Bamboo Scramble!





fluffypuffy12. tie: King Chick and Emperor Chick

Fluffy. Puffy. Puffy. Fluffy.

Proof that children don’t see the differences we adults perceive. So naive and so dangerous.



penguinger11. Adélie Penguin
10. Gentoo Penguin
9. Chinstrap Penguin

Truly admirable businessmen who meld their entrepreneur spirit with the desire to further awareness of their species. And they turn all of that into a kickass sentai stage show. If only all small businesses and advocacy groups could be like them.

penkos8. Penko
7. Penmi
6. Penna
5. Penno
4. Penka
3. Penuelle
2. Penjolina

The only relevant romantic question in anime this year wasn’t “Who is Imoutou?” or whatever other bits I ignored. The only burning question was “Which Penko will Penguin pick?” will be pick clasically-beautiful Penko? Perhaps the perky and excitable Penmi? The twintastic Penna and Penno, in order to score a two point conversion? Or maybe the stoic but charming Penka? Does the demure allure of Penuelle lure Penguin in? No. None of them suffice. We all know that the exotic, manic penguin fairy-like Penjolina is Best Penguin. Alas, Penguin was true to his George-from-Seinfeld pedigree and chose no one. A shame.

kingpenguin1. King Penguin

King Penguin is the most important character in Polar Bear Cafe. He’s the counterbalance to Penguin’s shtick. By irritating Penguin to no avail by possessing the very same attitude, King Penguin acts as a deconstructive mirror. He’s exactly like Andy from Cowboy Bebop– exposing all of Spike’s faults and showing he’s not the perfect badass he pictures himself as in his mind. We need King Penguin more than any other character in this series. Also, I’ve been informed that King Penguin may be a she, since the series never really specifies King’s gender. That’d up the counterpoint bit even more.


Honorable Mentions


Guess we have to have a non-penguin mentioned here. May as well be Llama. He had the best closing song, so he gets some props.




dreampandaDream Panda

Dead sexy beast of our nightmares.




pandavacuumkinkThe Vacuum Cleaner

Just plain kinky.

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