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Quickie Review: Robin Hood

May 14, 2010

To summarize the movie that I saw this afternoon:

King John: Ha! The king is dead! Imma take your stuff now, serfs!

Serfs: OHNOZ!

Robin Hood: Don’t do that, John! The French are invading! Also, FREEDOM!

King John: OHNOZ! Stop! Let’s go kill frogs!

Maid Lady Marion: Lookit me! I can fight too. Because women are… OOPS! I FELL! HELP ME MAXIMUS!

Robin Hood: Huzzahzors! We killed some frogs! We win!

King John: LOLZ! Imma still take your stuff.

Audience: Umm… where is Robin Hood? What with the stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and the Sheriff of Nottingham. At least give us some fuzzy animals singing crappy Disney songs or something to keep us interested.

FIN

If you didn’t quite get it, Robin Hood sucked and you should not go see it. Kinda sad that Ridley Scott hasn’t made a good movie since, like, Blade Runner? Maybe Legend? I could be kind and say Gladiator, but it hasn’t aged well. Yeah, man, it’s sad when you’re shaky-cam-loving brother who made motherfucking DOMINO is making movies that are more interesting.

Don’t be surprised if I do more movie reviews, what with it being the summer blockbuster season and whatnot.

By the way, Iron Man? So mundane and normal it isn’t really worth talking about. Save for Mickey Rourke. He rocks.

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