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JET PIRANHAS!

February 23, 2010

That two-part mountain adventure was pretty cool, but this week’s episode of Cobra was brilliant.

JET PIRANHAS!

Those two words sum up everything I’m loving about this series. Cobra tosses out silly things like “logic” and “common sense” and goes for whatever seems like a cool idea at the time. Episode eight has man-faced flowers with diamond teeth, land mine mushrooms, piranhas that fly by jettisoning water from their asses, tentacle monster bugs disguised as dead vines, and plants that spread seeds by literally using the human emotion of greed.

There’s no attempt to adhere to a cohesive world view. Usually a series needs to adhere to a consistent “universe.” That universe might not make logical sense by the standards of reality, but most good series are consistent within the artificial restraints they establish. Cobra gives that sort of consistency the middle finger and does whatever the fuck it wants to do.

That sort of cavalier approach doesn’t always work, mainly because that willingness to do whatever the hell you want to do is also coupled with stupidity and immaturity. Cobra may be a little immature, but it’s certainly not stupid. There’s nothing stupid about the ridiculous creativity you get when you have shit like talking man-faced manta rays and mummy-wrapped robots. It’s the sort of chaotic insanity that made Chronicles of Riddick one of my favorite sci-fi movies of all time. Riddick and Cobra manage to straddle that line between “they have no fucking idea what they’re doing” and “divinely insane.”

JET PIRANHAS!

Vampire Bund finally did something that pissed me off. Episode seven was pretty awesome. Mina and Wolfboy finally had their showdown. Mina turned into Lilith from Darkstalkers (yes, Lilith, not Morrigan) with tiny bits of the Coppola Dracula’s armor strung about her body. The whole mess ended awesomely… then the last scene went and retconned the shit out of everything that had just happened.

A vaccine is pulled out of Mina’s ass to cure the little boy and all of the kids that were turned into vampires. Wolfboy is now completely loyal to Chibi-Tepes and isn’t pissed at her for doing all of the evil, Machiavellian crap that created the Bund. Sure, we now know that there’s a Sabbat to go with Mina’s Camarilla (more Vampire the Masqueadeness there), but did we need so many fucking cop-outs to make everything “right?” Does this really make the series better, or does it make everything that just happened pointless.

The latter is the correct answer, by the way.

I’m curious to see where this goes, though, since this episode pretty much played like a final episode. Hopefully the second half of the series won’t be rendered pointless by the last two minutes.

Yeah. Hanamaru Kindergarten. I was ready to give up on you since episode seven was the sort of sentimental nonsense I don’t like. Then you turn around and have an awesome ending song. Yes, this is better than the Hii-As-Gamera ending from episode two, if only because this is a genuinely good song and a good animation sequence.

But just between you and me, Anzu: you’re no Schroder. Leave the moppet-playing-piano shtick to him. You’re more like Lucy, minus the “pulling the football away from Charlie Brown” sadism.

I was gonna make an entire post about this, but I don’t think I’ll get to it before the Olympics are over and it’s no longer relevant:

Curling totally needs to have an anime series. It has the chops to be a game/sports anime the way we’ve seen go and baseball and football and whatever else get series. It’s also ripe for the fanboy picking. Look at the women’s team from Denmark. Not only do they play in skirts, they have sisters that could pass for twins on their team (or maybe they are twins, I don’t know).

It’s primed for a moe series and a harem series. Throw together five girls (four main girls, one alternate) and a coach that’s an anime fanboy cipher. Mix together scenes of training and doing cute shit and matches and you have yourself a 13 episode series with little effort.

Hell, I’d probably watch it since I dig curling. Weird for a guy like me that lives in Texas and doesn’t believe in snow, much less the presence of that much ice in one place, but whatever. I love watching 44 pound rocks slide down the ice.

I’d call the series Hajime! CURL Hearts, with a little heart symbol where the space is between “curl” and “hearts.” I’d stick it in there myself but I don’t wanna waste the time looking for the symbol.

And I couldn’t find any pictures of the Denmark team to prove that the sisters are totally moe fodder, so you’ll have to be contend with more JET PIRANHAS!

Not anime crap in the least, but I’m super-excited about it and I want to go into Super Fanboy Mode for a second:

DARIA IS FINALLY COMING OUT ON DVD IN MAY!

DARIA!

MOTHERFUCKING DARIA!

YES!

Daria’s one of my favorite cartoons from the 90’s. It was a spin-off of Beavis and Butthead that took a supporting character, Daria, and gave her a series of her own where she could be a cynical, sarcastic, intellectual snob and do funny stuff. It’s probably the sort of series you could only fully get into if you were a teenager during the 90’s, which I obviously was, so I won’t expect the kiddies to get into it.

Still. DARIA! FINALLY YES! There is a god. Or at least an incomprehensible omnipotent evil supernatural force that likes the same shit I like.

And one more time. JET PIRANHAS!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Taka permalink
    February 24, 2010 1:20 AM

    All the people who aren’t watching Cobra are really missing out on the fun. It’s just so over the top and awesomely creative. Who gives a shit about logic. The Jet Piranhas almost made me spit soda all over my screen. And then he throws his cigar bomb and one lands in the fish’s lips. Cobra is just such a guilty pleasure.

    • Landon permalink*
      February 28, 2010 4:12 PM

      I wouldn’t even call Cobra a guilty pleasure. I feel no guilt in liking it. Guilt is an emotion that’s below Cobra’s magnitude.

      And the “fish smokes a cigar”is my favorite anime moment so far this year.

  2. February 24, 2010 5:47 AM

    That was by far the best episode of Cobra yet. My favourite corny part was when she introduced the three characters, Ears and Eyes, and I was mightly dissapointed when the Nose guy had such a pathetic excuse for a uber-nose. No wonder he died so quickly.

    • Landon permalink*
      February 28, 2010 4:15 PM

      I was disappointed to see all of them die. Nose could die, but the other two were pretty awesome. If only because Eyes looked like one of those racist merchant aliens from the Star Wars prequels and Ears looked like a Ferengi from Star Trek. Cobra could have had a sci-fi rip-off posse.

  3. February 27, 2010 8:11 PM

    Daria was awesome back in the day. Glad to see it finally coming out on DVD.

    The ending to Vampire Bund 7 is such ass. So disappointing because I had really come around on the series in the 3-4 episodes before that.

    • Landon permalink*
      February 28, 2010 4:17 PM

      And it’s the complete series to boot, so no need to wait around for other seasons to get released or MTV turning around and saying “no, the first season didnt’ sell, so no more Daria.”

      It’ll go nicely with my Beavis and Butthead boxset.

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